I wish I didn’t cry
For my tears are cursed
And whoever is the cause
Is doubly cursed.
He believed in me
When I did not believe in myself
He saw something in me
That I myself did not see
He said “I know you can be this and that…,”
While I contented myself on being second place.
I wish you were here
But you were with me yesterday
When I said I couldn’t
When I said I don’t know how
When I locked myself at the cubicle
You were there, your memories
I never thought those memories
Would be something someday
You know how I despised those memories.
I thought you were just seeing the surface.
But I was mistaken.
You saw something far greater than what I saw.
You have said the right words
At a much advanced time.
I will never forget you, please know that,
Even if someone else is making me smile.
Even if I am thinking of someone else before I sleep,
You know that when I woke up,
It is you that I vainly try to search for my dreams.
People always asked,
“Can you love two people at the same time?”
And I always said no,
You will love the other,
The other you will lust.
Be assured then, that
It is you that I love.
It’s been almost four months ago since I’ve last written anything constructive here, and I never thought I would even write again. Seriously! First, from not finding any more time, and then to losing my creative streak, and then to some sudden stupid realizations I have for the past weeks, I have felt that it would be worthless if I continued to write.
So I just STOPPED.
And because of that, naturally, I didn’t even bother to check this blog and my email ad for any updates, comments, likes, followers, etc. Until yesterday when I suddenly thought of checking my mail and I saw this!
And I really didn’t know what I’m supposed to feel after reading it. I was one of the 10 finalist for Philippine Blog Awards – Literature/Literary Category (National) and I am not even aware of it! I felt a mixture of disbelief, happiness, and frustration–but mostly frustration and pang-hihinayang that I was not able to attend the said Awards Night, and I wasn’t able to meet the fellow bloggers.
But oh well, the past is past for a reason.
No need for sulking.
Next time–I’m crossing my fingers that there’s still a next time, and a next chance to be nominated again and (hopefully) be included again to the finalists–I would be more vigilant!
Though a question for me still remains: How could I write again?
P.S. A heartfelt congratulations to Pointless Paranoia!… and to all the winners of PBA.
P.S (2) I have yet to check the other blogs.
I’m very disappointed with myself on how things had turned up. I had not been able to write constantly per week as I had originally planned to. And I feel that as more days pass by with me not being able to write anything at all—except for the template letters I send to prospects and jotting down of their numbers and whereabouts—the more grammatically challenged I become and the more difficult it will be for me to write again any stories!
Really, I’m having problems now when it comes to generating new creative ideas for stories and I feel like a total failure, and to think that I almost considered myself then as a ‘beginner writer’ before having a job! And now, it’s like I’m back to square one and I do not even know how I managed to write decently in the past.
I don’t even have the time now to write, and I feel really bad because most of my time were just eaten by office hours and travel time to work. And I feel like I’m not being productive when I couldn’t create or write anything!
It is not that I’m unhappy with my current situation, but it isn’t like I’m happy too…it feels more like I’m trapped with “this cycle”—whatever it is. And I cannot believe how time flies by so fast—not that time has ‘that’ effect to me at all—but still it feels like I’m not moving and I’m going nowhere, and there’s something terribly lacking (besides money), and worst, I do not know what it is!
P.S. By the way, I’m joining NaNoWriMo (very ambitious, I know) and how I wish (really wish) that I will managed to end up with a decent 50,000 word story.
Ever since I had learned about his upcoming wedding, I would find myself lost in a daydream wherein I would stand and say, “Don’t say yes, run away now, I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the back door. Don’t wait or say a single vow, you need to hear me out.” But always, the people in my daydream would say, “Speak now.” And I would be lost with words while standing there foolishly.
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Holly was lying on the couch with her eyes closed. And beside her, sitting on a tall mahogany chair, was Nate—her psychologist. “Now, I want you to open the door,” Nate said. “But the door is locked,” Holly said. “Remember, you are the owner of that house, and you have the keys to unlock any… Read more.
I think I’m losing weight. Or maybe if not, I will (definitely) in the future. And this is not because of dieting or exercising or counting calories. In fact, I don’t even have to take a walk to make it, what I do is just to ride a train. I repeat that, “just riding a train.”
Very easy, right?! Read more
I’ll keep this post short and simple.
I don’t know if I should be happy since I have already a job, or not because I wouldn’t be able to blog religiously every day. I really wish I could, but I never thought that I would be this busy! So, that’s why I’m deciding to change my goals of blogging from (being able to paticipate to) PostADay to PostAWeek. And from this day onwards, I’ll be part of PostAWeek Challenge of the Daily Post!
P.S. But most probably, I’ll still post more than once in a week. I have an idea that I wouldn’t be able to help it! You know, it wouldn’t be that easy to stray away from blogging despite of busy schedule, especially that blogging and writing becomes one of my coping mechanisms to be productive when I was still unemployed!